Who am I !

👇 Audio version fans : 👇

“If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable.” — Lucius Annaeus Seneca.

Early life :

baby

I was born in Oujda, Morocco. After one month we went to Ouarzazate, a small city in the south of Morocco’s High Atlas mountains, where I spent the first 6 years of my life, I was a very quiet kid, I rarely spoke, to the point where my mom’s friend thought that I was deaf. One day I asked her for a glass of water. She turned her head to see where that strange voice coming from, she found me, and she literally shut down! I don't know exactly what was going on inside her mind at that time, but she thought it was a miracle that I can speak.

After 6 years, we went to Meknes, where I currently live. Growing up as a hard introverted guy. I struggled to make friends, I had very few. I entred the primary school, it was steady and calm, getting used to it, until one day, where I had an accident on a bike, where I broke the majority of my front teeth. There my darkest insecurities started to take my soul. I could not see my face in the mirror, I become a god-level introverted, living inside a box, hiding myself from the outside. A few years after, where I was around 10 years old, my state was getting worse, I was weak physically, my parents were yelling at me trying to make me stronger, but that only broke me up; it developed to the point that if I did a simple physical activity I got really tired, with bad chest pain, I suffered from fever a lot, I had a weak immune system. My parents started to freak out and saw this as a critical issue. We went to doctors, they said that I only need to take some vitamins and I’ll be okay, but that wasn’t the truth, till one day, I went to a doctor, and I was diagnosed with a heart disease called Rheumatic heart disease (RHD). All made sense, chest pain, weak joints, and tiredness wasn’t a normal thing that I should be treated badly for. I struggled for a few years, I took my remedy, till I recovered 100%, the doctor said that it's permanent but luckily not my case. At that period of time I was obsessed with a cartoon called Yu Gi Oh, I was admired by the Pharaon personality, and there where I got my motivation to confront life as a young kid, those kinds of cartoons were life-changing to me.

Teenage life :

tanager

lord ! my teenage life !, I was that kind of guy if you gonna see you gonna bully, skinny, shy, insecure, and anxious. My peers in the class made fun of how I looked, created nicknames, bad ones. In the other side, I've had a few loyal friends, that I still hang out with today, if you're reading this you already know yourself, love you guys. I got tired of the bullying, I was uncomfortable and angry, then I decided to join a kickboxing club. First I found it hard, I still remember that I had a fever that day, what an irony! I thought this is not for me, I was about to give up. A few weeks after, I was getting used to it, I gained some stamina, I learned new boxing moves, I loved how people were kind in contrast with what I thought. Inspired by Badr Hari and other famous boxers, I liked the mentality and I progressed a lot in contrast to who I was, then I started to get into street fights, I got my ass beat so bad, I felt so empty and broke. The days went on, I was getting used to it, and of course, I took my revenge on those who used to make fun of me.

angry

At the age of 12, a teenager who wants to prove himself, my first year of secondary school, I got the first mark in the class it was 20 out of 20 in a subject it was Islamic education, it was the first time I achieved something like that, I felt happy, suddenly I’m out of the box, some light is shining on me, suddenly people started to know my name, I liked it, also I developed the skill of teaching myself, in public schools you gonna struggle if you’re not studying hard at home or doing extra courses, I liked the feeling of going hard to achieve something, I studied my ass off, I hated the idea of extra hours, I remember I had a lot of first marks that year, even though I wasn’t the first but I was in the top 5%, and it went like that for the rest of my school years, I always make it in the top tier of my class, it gave me the self-esteem and confidence, and there I discovered my competitive spirit and kept grinding.

A holly day :

we have technology

Back in 2011 my dad bought us a computer, a big fat Pentium 4, with 512 MB ram, I developed a keen interest in computer games (Prince of Persia was my favorite), I loved solving problems and challenges, I discovered a new world, my love for computers, my obsession, I was addicted to it, even it wasn’t wired with the internet, we used to buy CDs of games with 5 dirhams from cybers. one fact: I've had a stable internet till 2019, I used to go to cybers, use modems or go to cafés, another fact, I learned French and English by downloading tutorials from cybers and go devouring them at home.

Post high school :

monkey angry

After I graduated from high school, I got really confused, I didn’t know what to do, where to study, I didn’t have any interest in becoming an architect or a doctor or whatever jobs, so I head over to a school where I can study computer science called (EST), and stuck to my love for computers. First, the school seemed cool, after we dove deep, I found a little secret: the majority of the program was bullshit, outdated and time-wasting, I disliked the system, and I started to regret my choice, I got irritated, and I knew that I need to think outside of the box if I wanna make it in a third world country. Luckily one day, I stumbled across the entrepreneurial world, making your own business, being your own boss, I got excited and I jumped, I read books about business, and I watched Moroccan and foreign success stories, it gave me hope that I can make it, so I said why not make an online business that makes money while using my computer. In contrast, my grades at school went really bad, and I started hating the school, till a point where I disliked programming, there was a lot of theoretical and contradictory courses that I need to take that I knew for a fact was total bullshit, and then the depression began, I didn't have a skill so I needed to learn one, as it is the first step to make a business, I had a very little time, the school was far away from home, so I spent about 3 hours every day on buses and from 8 to 12 / 2 to 6, in the school continuous program, my health has only gotten worse without any benefit.

In 2019 The year when I had stable internet, I said this is it, my opportunity, and I started looking for a way of how can I make money out of the internet, I found a lot of information, a lot of resources, and the first mistake I made was the shiny object syndrome, because there was a lot of domains I got confused, I wasted time deciding in which better, I started filtering what I like and whatnot, I tried a lot of things but nothing seems to work, I become one with my computer, 24/7, seeking and trying, a lot of self-doubt arises, technical issues arise, tired and fucked up, so I spent about one year to earn a 20$ from a band that I proposed to fix their WordPress website, it seems pathetic, but for me, it was a milestone, because I went from 0 to a number.

Decision:

hisoka

After all these experiences, I knew that I need to focus on one thing, so I turned back to programming, and this is due to Javascript (programming language), it was practical and I found that I can build with it without struggling much in contrast to ( C or Java), I learned Javascript and I’m still learning it, I liked it, and developed a portfolio (the one that you're reading this blog-post on), I got some freelancing work, there I knew this was the opportunity.

This is the truth for every freelancer in Morocco, or any third world country, the road is tortuous and torturing, when I see someone who made it, I know for a fact that he went through hell, starting under the zero ain’t easy, shit gonna fuck up, survival mode gonna fuck up, society gonna fuck up until you make it and shut their mouths, also there are people who are in a much worse situation than I am, hustling in silence, my respect for those, keep grinding.

I wrote these words to reflect on myself and capture this checkpoint of my life, know where I’ve been, appreciate where I am, and chase my goals, I truly don’t give a damn of how much it gonna cost me, I still didn’t achieve much of what I’m planning but I’ll stick to it till the last breath.

If you reached this point, I truly appreciate it. You are patient, you survived through my English hell, you are the person that I want to hang out with in the future, if you skipped, ain’t no problem, I still wanna hang out with you too .

I see you